Thai Massage Caution: Tips for First-Timers

Let’s be honest — Thai massage sounds heavenly until you’re halfway through and questioning your life choices. Welcome to Thailand, where massage shops are as common as coconuts, and not all of them offer the peaceful experience you imagined. Before you go skipping into a spa expecting bliss, here’s a little Thai massage caution — from someone who learned the hard way (and walked funny for a week).

My First Thai Massage Was… an Experience

I signed up for a head, back, and shoulder massage. Sounds relaxing, right? Except what I got felt like a cross between a surprise chiropractic session and amateur wrestling night.

At one point, I genuinely thought she were rearranging my skeleton. Turns out, not all massage therapists are trained professionals — some just get a “how-to” crash course from the shop owner. You can’t expect Michelin-star service when the chef’s just read the back of a ready meal box, can you?

Lesson learned: Thai massage is not for the faint of back. Especially if, like me, your joints are more creaky floorboard than flexible bamboo.

✅ How to Avoid a Dodgy Massage Experience

So, what should you actually do to dodge a massage mishap? Simple: think like a detective.

• Ask how long the therapist’s been practising. If they hesitate, take that as your cue to exit.
• Look for certificates on the wall — even if you can’t read them, they’re a good sign.
• If it’s cheap and has neon lights… you might want to keep walking.

Thai massage is an ancient art involving acupressure, stretches, and a lot of bending. It requires skill, not guesswork. Choose places that look calm, clean, and professional — and ideally have people inside who don’t look like they’re recovering from a WWE match.

🗣️ Be Clear About What You Want

This is crucial. Before the massage starts, tell them clearly what you’re after. Use phrases like:

• “Just a gentle massage, please”
• “Relaxation only – not strong pressure”
• “No cracking or stretching, thank you”

Because if you don’t say anything, you might end up on the receiving end of “the full treatment” — and that includes moves your spine hasn’t seen since the ‘90s.

Also, keep your boundaries clear. If something feels uncomfortable, speak up. A proper therapist will adjust. A dodgy one… well, that’s what we’re trying to avoid.

😬 Thai Massage Warning Signs (a Handy Checklist)

• No signage in English, but big pictures of women smiling awkwardly
• The place looks like it doubles as a karaoke bar after hours
• They lead you inside before you’ve even said what kind of massage you want
• Staff hover outside trying to convince you to come in (usually a red flag)

Trust your instincts. If it feels off, it probably is.

Final Thought

A good Thai massage can leave you floating. A bad one will leave you stiff, suspicious, and Googling “how long bruises last on your back.” Don’t let your first Thai massage be a comedy of errors.

Be choosy. Be clear. And for heaven’s sake, don’t assume “shoulder massage” is just shoulder massage — you might end up in a full-body contortion session with someone who used to work in demolition.

Don’t miss the full survival guide:
👉 Thailand Solo Travel Over 50: What You Need to Know

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👉 Planning a longer adventure? Check out my full Thailand Travel Guide for Solo Travellers Over 50 — it’s packed with tips, local gems, and the best things to do that don’t involve joint dislocation

🛠️ Travel Tools for the Smart Solo Traveller

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